This weekend I had the first 'this is the baby kicking for real' feeling. I'm pretty sure that I first felt it when I was around 19 weeks, but yesterday (which marked 20 weeks) I was able to really feel it with my hand outside my belly. My Mom and Spencer were even able to feel it too. Today it just kept kicking over and over and pretty hard. It's really amazing how strong he/she is to still be so little!
It's been very reassuring to me to feel the baby move especially since I still don't really look pregnant to other people. (I sure have a belly to me!) And everyone loves to tell me this with comments like.... 'What you can't be 5 months pregnant, you don't even have a belly?!' or 'I'm still waiting for you to start looking like you're pregnant'or 'You need to eat girl'(which really makes me frustrated because I eat all the time so it makes me feel like it's my fault I don't look pregnant!). I almost want to laugh...I mean who goes up to people after they've had a baby who still haven't lost their weight and says, 'you sure don't look like you've had your baby, yet!' While some people might like comments about not looking pregnant(although I don't really know who that would be) it sure doesn't help a first-time mom who is already worried about everything! I would like to be able to really 'fill-out' maternity clothes or have people tell me that my baby bump looks cute. Unless I tell people, no one knows I'm pregnant. I have gained 12 lbs though and my doctor tells me everything is just fine and not to worry. It's hard not to though. I felt better after the ultrasound, but of course not being able to find out the sex of the baby made me worried too. I thought, 'why can't we find out if our baby is a boy or girl...everyone else seems to be able to'.
God quickly convicted me of how selfish it was to think like that. Who am I to question God?! Besides that, the gender of the baby is really of little importance. How many women are there who would just love to be pregnant, but can't have a baby. Why am I not just grateful that our baby seems to be developing appropriately and I'm not having an extremely complicated pregnancy. I think we have started to take childbirth in America as just an 'everyday' thing. Women get pregnant, they have a healthy baby with as little pain as possible even scheduling their c-sections based on conveience. All the while forgetting that that little baby is a miracle of God. For 9 months the mother does nothing consciously to make the baby grow and yet when something goes wrong or isn't exactly the way we want it we question, 'why?' But really we should ask 'why, not'? What have we done to deserve the ability to be able to conceive, carry a child, and then birth healthy babies (the majority of the time)? It's only by God's grace and yet we so often forget to give Him the glory every step of the way.
This is something I have to daily remind myself of. I am a naturally pessimistic person and a worrier. I am learning I cannot compare myself to other people, but rather I must give my worries to the God who is upholding the world in the palm of His hand. No matter what happens whether we have a healthy baby, a sick baby, or no baby at all I can rest assured in God's love and sovereign working in my life. I love this quote from Martyn Lloyd-Jones, "God's will and God's ways are a great mystery, but I know that whatever He wills or permits is of necessity for my good." Now that is real hope! I'm still trying to think of a good response for people who tell me I don't look pregnant yet though because I think this might be a little too long to explain :)
I really enjoyed reading this post, but please don't worry about not looking pregnant. I didn't either and I know exactly how you feel - especially with people making comments about it. Just know this - you will look very pregnant soon enough! :)
ReplyDeleteKari!!! People were offering me drinks at 7 months because they couldn't tell...has to do with being tall and in shape like you were and I was, and the coats, sweaters and bulky clothes of winter. ;) Don't worry, enjoy every minute of it!!! When the weather warms up people will LOVE to comment on the baby bump, but for now enjoy it with Spencer and your family.
ReplyDeleteI think whether you look pregnant or you don't, you still worry. I worry all the time that I am TOO big to be just 20 weeks....I think something (flesh) takes over and wants to make sure everything is perfect and forgets that everything is in God's hands. At least for me, that's the case. I have to remind myself that just like all babies, God has made all mommies to be unique, too. I'm short....you're tall....I look at an orange and gain a pound...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, try to enjoy every second of it because our little babies will be here before we know it!!!
Kari, I had the same problem with all the comments. Remember how sick I was? i only gained 12 lbs total, but I want to encourage you that your baby is growing and God's sovereign hand is on his/her life! Just shrug off those comments from insensitive people- I think telling someone she doesn't look pregnant at all is just as hurtful as saying, "you're enormus, aren't you gonna deliver soon?" when a woman may only be 6 months! I can't tell you how many nights I cried because I felt like I wasn't doing it right (part of my problem though was I couldn't eat or gain weight). Your bump will come soon enough and it will come even faster with #2. Hang in there and know you will pop back into your jeans very quickly after giving birth- and after a summer of maternity waistbands, it feels so good to be back in jeans!!! Love you girl! Amy Gabriel
ReplyDeleteHi Kari! You are healthy, and that is nothing to worry about. At 20 weeks gestation you probably weigh less than a large majority of people, not because you are doing something wrong but because we live in a VERY obese country! It is interesting that in our culture it isn't appropriate to talk about a woman's weight or size unless she is pregnant. Why do the rules change with that?
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